What did I learn today...

Sometimes, the things which are hidden from you are hidden for a reason. If you dig in too deep, it would only get more and more unpleasant with time.

Somebody asked someone to believe. Believe in oneself. In one's dreams. In life itself. I liked what was said, though I could not completely agree with the thought. I believe in myself, atleast most of the time I do. I used to have dreams, I dont anymore. So thats one thing less to believe in. And life, well, dont get me started about life. The only thing I probably believe in with regards to life is that its a bitch. It screws me at the most inopportune moments. And because I can't do much about it, Il pretend to enjoy it. Well, just to set the record straight, I dont. :-)

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then oh why cant I? Because I am way to heavy. :-P

The Beginning of the End ??

Here I am.. At the start of yet another blog.. At yet another crossroad in life.. Its the same stuff, all over again.. The phoenix-shall-rise-from-the-ashes syndrome..

All I had ever wanted is out of my reach and honestly, today I dont want it anymore.. I dont 'want' anything anymore.. I am striving to become truly Spartan - detached, aloof, unemotional.. I have discovered virtue in selfishness, decided that pursuit of happiness, of one's own happiness is not a crime..

I know this resolve may not and probably, will not last long. There is a soft spot in my nature, a strain of weakness, a sensitivity that would never harden. But try I will. To suppress the sensitivity, kill the niceness, grow out of the naivete.. And if I cant become that woman, I would put on a mask.. Develop an exterior so tough that no one would know of the weakness within.. The walls have already gone up.. The lines have been drawn.. I am this side.. Everyone and everything on the other side..

First posts are usually about the why.. Why am I here? Because its my space.. Its mine, all mine.. Here, I need not pretend.. I need not say things the way others want to hear.. Here, my words speak for me.. My words are my identity..

As I watch the raindrops hit the window panes and trickle down, I wish this blog frees me of my ghosts.. Writing has always been my liberation.. I wish it does its magic.. Again..