Its only tears

"The house captain for Red house is...."
How could they not call her name, she wondered.
Disappointment trickled down her cheek mixed with tears.
"And the headgirl for 2009 is...."
Oh!! these are tears of happiness.
She said to those admiring the headgirl badge on her.

The Beginning of the End ??

Here I am.. At the start of yet another blog.. At yet another crossroad in life.. Its the same stuff, all over again.. The phoenix-shall-rise-from-the-ashes syndrome..

All I had ever wanted is out of my reach and honestly, today I dont want it anymore.. I dont 'want' anything anymore.. I am striving to become truly Spartan - detached, aloof, unemotional.. I have discovered virtue in selfishness, decided that pursuit of happiness, of one's own happiness is not a crime..

I know this resolve may not and probably, will not last long. There is a soft spot in my nature, a strain of weakness, a sensitivity that would never harden. But try I will. To suppress the sensitivity, kill the niceness, grow out of the naivete.. And if I cant become that woman, I would put on a mask.. Develop an exterior so tough that no one would know of the weakness within.. The walls have already gone up.. The lines have been drawn.. I am this side.. Everyone and everything on the other side..

First posts are usually about the why.. Why am I here? Because its my space.. Its mine, all mine.. Here, I need not pretend.. I need not say things the way others want to hear.. Here, my words speak for me.. My words are my identity..

As I watch the raindrops hit the window panes and trickle down, I wish this blog frees me of my ghosts.. Writing has always been my liberation.. I wish it does its magic.. Again..