Saturday, August 1, 2009

God, You Listening?

Every single place, the same weirdness. Few moments before actually doing her darshan, she sees 'FCUK'. The first time she believed it to be a coincidence, but the fourth time it was like she was expecting it. All four times, they were different guys and different t-shirts. Two of the FCUKs were even fake, not even genuine French Connection. Then why were they interfering in her spiritual connections?
So she had stopped praying 6 months. Praying as in the early morning, after-bath agarbatti-diya-bhajan routine. Not like she had become an atheist, more like she didn't have the time and didn't think a special ritual was required. I mean its God we are talking. Hes omnipresent. He knows everything. Hes not mortal. He doesnt need wooing. Rather her experiences said that everytime she had tried bribing him with mannats and special poojas and stuff, her wishes had necessarily not come true.
So why is it bothering her now? Because she just noticed something. Her misery levels had reached newer lows in the last 6 months. She had destroyed almost everything she had worked for. Some of it was unavoidable, most of it was her own doing. She had decided to do this very familiar, extremely secular trip through temple-church-mosque-gurudwara to find some peace of mind, some stability in thinking. But she came back more disturbed than before.
So was it God's way fo rejecting her prayers? His way of asking her to stop this selfish show of respect take her requests elsewhere? Or maybe his way of reminding her how entrenched in sins she was? Seven cardinal sins and which could she say she hadn't commited.
Avarice, Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Anger, Lust. They had all creeped into her at one point or the other. She was human after all. Should she be punished for that? Shouldn't she be allowed to ask for forgiveness and then move on? WTF has a woman got to do to find some peace of mind in this world. Somebody better have an answer.

3 People spoke to me:

bluebird said...

I also went through your older posts and came away thoroughly impressed at how so much punch can be packed into so few words..

Beauty and the BEast said...

wow!!I wish I had answers.. but when the mind is so unsettled.. even the obvious seems delusional na?!

Fali said...

I like what you write..esp 55 words...was unable to comment to comment on some of the posts so leaving one here!